Confessions of a bridge burner
I’m not sure I can put words to all the things I’ve been learning, thinking, seeing, and dreaming recently. When I think on the past few months, all that comes to mind are bridges. I’m learning that I am really good at burning bridges, metaphorically speaking. Conflict is never easy or desirable, but some can handle it better than others. I am not one that handles conflict gracefully. Mainly because I tend to be a perfectionist and when there’s tension, I shut down emotionally.
Not only do I shut down, but I immediately avoid the issue and sometimes the person all together, in hopes that the problem will go away. This never works out. Usually, this causes the tension to swell into the shape of a life size elephant until both of us involved are suffocated with the stench of the issue. To get rid of the stench quickly, I typically light the bridge on fire to get rid of the the tension and issue in its entirety, taking along with it in a burst of flames, the friendship. Or even if a bridge gets shaky and begins to sway and shake, I burn it, fearing the loss of control. I can look back at several friendships in which I couldn’t handle the conflict correctly or felt like I was losing control over the friendship as it shifted with a season in life.
Over the last few months, I’ve had to learn how to re-build some of the bridges that I burned. Rebuilding is SO hard! The thing about rebuilding a bridge is, you have to work through the past issues and conflicts in order to redesign! Cultivating a destroyed trust is hard, especially the trust within yourself. There’s something that happens when a habit of burning bridges develops, a loss of understanding the function of relationships, a lack of communication skills and a life full of burned bridges.
I’ve realized the importance of not burning bridges and how to confront conflict in a way that allows me to maintain and continue bridge building. Bridges are beautiful. Designed in inspired artwork and architecture, bridges serve many purposes. Like bridges, friendships all look different and serve different purposes for different seasons. Friendships also tend to be the bridge towards the tainted dreams you were too afraid to pursue or dreams undiscovered. Like the purpose of each individual, bridges are the solution or answer for something broken, unfinished or unsolved.
