Being Available
Last semester was one of the hardest semesters. Not because school itself was hard necessarily, but because it was a rough time of life. A lot of major changes happened and I had to adjust to many situations all at once and immediately. Although I complain about how it was the semester from hell in a tone that drips with sarcasm, in the last 5 months I have learned so much. I have grown so much as a person and in my walk with God. During the last 150 days or so, my walk with God has become so real as I had to learn to trust that He is in control of my life, not me. In each situation, I had to choose Him.
One day in particular, I was having the WORST day. In fact, it’s quite comical all the things that went wrong in a matter of 3 hours. Running late, getting pulled over for the first time, receiving a warning instead of a $388 dollar ticket, getting lost in Phoenix, parking in the wrong parking lot and not being able to get my parking pass validated, and not being able to make it on time for a major midterm are just a few things to name. In the midst of my nightmare-ish reality, I had an opportunity to pray with a random stranger while waiting for the light rail to come. This opportunity was dressed in baggy clothes, tattoos from head to toe and rap music blasting out of ear phones hanging from his shirt; although I was unaware at the time he was going through far worse situations than myself. Grasping onto my hands, we bowed our heads as I began to pray. The wind tousled my hair as my voice grew more and more confident in seeking out the presence of God. In the middle of my prayer the man pulled one of his hands away to wipe a tear that escaped his eye. After I finished praying he began to pray, taking me by surprise. As he prayed, a sob shook his body. His hands trembled as tears fell onto our hands gliding across them with a damp trickle. The shaky, desperate vibrato of his voice pierced my heart at the words he uttered. “God, I am so sorry. I am so sorry for the things I have done. I know that I was wrong. Please forgive me. I do have a good heart. I am a good person. Please forgive me.” His simple plea impacted me. We finished praying as the light rail whistled to a stop in front of us. Before stepping inside, the man turned to me and said, “Thank you. Meeting you today opened my eyes to see that God is in my situation with me. Thank you for helping me believe in Him again.”
After parting ways with him, I began to silently thank God for using me despite my misplaced focus. I felt so blessed that God would choose me to reach out to the man. That’s when God asked me a stern question. “Kari, why do you think it’s always about you?” This question got me to thinking. Why do we always think it’s about us? It has nothing to do with us, and yet it has everything to do with us. The biggest thing I learned over the last 5 months is this; my life is not about me. It’s about being available to what He’s doing.
