An ocean, to live by helm and anchor?
The emotions of my heart are like that of the ocean’s moody, wild and unrestrained waves. Building up to a climax, roaring with passion, only to crash at the sandy coast of the beach, I am spilled and rinsed. Washing away what was left before, for a moment just before being swept away, carried out to be one with the vast sea, I can breathe, before starting all over again. Surging through my veins, poisoning my heart, I am bound by waves of emotion from the inside out. Untamed and reckless, emotions crash and break against the shore of my mind. A helm and anchor, my mind steers and stabilizes. But how does one steer or stabilize the ocean in its immense complexity? I am by nature the ocean, responding to the tiniest ripple without hesitation or boundaries. Currents of my emotions know no restrictions. However, I am called by God to rule the raging sea within me by my anchor and helm.
What was He thinking as I was woven and spun in the palms of His hands? Is there such a balance where I am driven and motivated by the sea, navigated by my helm and held by my anchor?
A war between the ocean of my heart and the helm and anchor of my mind circuits through my body, which is awaiting a final decision. In situations, I struggle to be ruled by the sea’s instincts and nature or the unyielding rock of my anchor, allowing me to be lead and steered by the helm. I know, that no matter how furiously or passionately feelings roll and collapse within me, it is what I choose to do that matters. Living in the balance where I am driven by the ocean of my emotions but guided and held steadfast by helm and anchor seems impossible.
Through dedication and practice that balance comes closer. Quiet times in prayer and scripture strengthens the desire to be anchored against the ocean’s freedom. Encouraged by the steadying foundation, the helm navigates in wisdom. Wisdom looks past the fog and clouds, finding clarity. I am pierced by truth.
Although I cannot feel Him, that does not mean He isn’t right beside me. His very Word, a testament of His love promises that “He shall never leave nor forsake me.” I do not want a life ruled by fickle emotions or the moodiness of the sea, nor a life void of passion, lead by knowledge alone. I hope to find that balance that I hear God calling me to, to find that strength to overcome my nature and live by both what I know and what I feel.
