Discord
Using my head instead of my heart is difficult. In a way it feels like I’m going against nature or even who I am sometimes. As I have said before, my emotions are like an ocean.
Unrestrained. Raging. Surging. Instinctive.
God has proved to me time and again that my feelings are not always reliable and that I need to use my mind over my heart sometimes. Apparently, there’s a balance, though I still struggle to find it. There are times when I am able to turn off my feelings and only use logic, but those feelings catch up with me just that much faster and bombard me when I try to shut them out.
I found myself in a situation where I had to make a decision with only a few seconds to feel or think it through.
I acted instantly.
While driving to attend to the situation at hand I wondered if I was doing the right thing.
Why me? For real, why do I find myself in these situations?
There was discord among the strings of my heart. I felt engulfed, swimming in emotions so thick I could hardly breathe as they choked my throat.
Pain. Regret. Sorrow. Pettiness.
As time went by and the situation was handled, God reinforced how important it is that even though I may feel a certain way, it is how I act that is important. Learning not to allow my emotions dictate my decisions is vital. I do not want a life spent on pursuing emotions and feelings that fade. God says that He “comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” 2nd Corinthians 1:4
My heart was being petty. Basically, God’s telling me that I need to get over myself. The past that caused my heart to question my actions needs to be let go. Once again, this was not about me. Life is about the connections God is drawing together, the picture He’s painting despite our situations, our feelings and our scars. Those are in fact the things that make our story so beautiful, how He molds them in the palm of His hands and creates His story out of the dissonance of ours.
